Assuage your guilt by understanding that no parent is perfect and, sometimes, you do what you must to get through the day. Here are the top seven reasons parents feel guilty and tips for ways to deal with those feelings. Research shows that children’s language, social, and cognitive skills can be benefited by attending a quality daycare. If going to work makes you happy, then your going to work provides a world of benefit for the entire family. Do you feel even worse when you pick up your little one from daycare and head home, only to leave him with a babysitter so you can have a date night with your spouse or attend a board meeting for a charity you really care about? Your life matters, too, whether it’s maintaining your relationship or fulfilling yourself mentally by taking a break via volunteering, shopping, or otherwise. In fact, as your child grows up, it’s good for him to see that you take care of your needs too. Plus he probably loves playing with the babysitter! First, if you think your child is old enough to understand, set your expectations for behavior in advance. Ensure that he knows the consequences of misbehaving, and actually enforce them if you run into a behavioral mishap. Avoid taking your child on an outing when he’s due for a nap, if at all possible. Meltdowns are more likely when your child is overtired. It’s hard to change your own plans to work around your kids’ schedule, but it makes life easier overall. Plan ahead by packing snacks, juice, a change of clothes, and a distracting toy. Sometimes kids misbehave in public because they know it’s embarrassing for their caregivers and they think they’ll be more likely to get what they want. When your child breaks the rules, follow through with an effective consequence. Don’t make a big deal about it if she refuses to eat those fruits and veggies—after all, no child died from boycotting Brussels sprouts. Eventually, she might surprise you by trying (and loving!) food that she previously rejected. If your issue is that your child eats too much junk food or fast food, remember that it’s not poisonous! But, it should be a treat rather than a daily occurrence. Alleviate some guilt by doing research on what the healthier items are at the drive-thru. Or do some research on what types of meals you can serve at home that are fast, but healthy. As with so many other things in life, the key is moderation. It’s all about balance. If your child is watching TV every day for many hours in a row, then it’s time to cut back. If he plays on his tablet for an hour each evening and he watches a movie on the weekends, that’s moderate viewing. Make sure your child has plenty of other activities he enjoys. Running around outside, building with blocks, or doing chores all have mental and physical health benefits. You can also make screen time a worthwhile activity by snuggling up next to your child and using the show or movie as a launching point for education or activities. Ask questions about what’s going on, apply what’s going on to real-life, or ask your child to count objects or colors on the screen. In other words, make screen time interactive and educational. However, if yelling is becoming the status quo, consider if your stress levels are high or if you need help managing your anger. Or perhaps, you need help finding more effective discipline techniques. A licensed therapist can help you sort out why you can’t seem to maintain patience with your children—and help you find ways to keep your cool. That’s important because yelling at kids can be harmful to their mental health. But, really, the bells and whistles aren’t necessary for childhood. In fact, offering too much stuff is problematic. If your child is constantly overindulged, he might grow up to become materialistic. Sending your child outside to play (without the latest toys) encourages imagination, which is what’s really important. Add your own imagination by creating nearly free toys, such as building a boat out of a cardboard box, or turning a sheet into a superhero’s cape. Avoid sending a message that tells your child it’s unfortunate that you don’t have as much money as other people. Teach him to be grateful for what he has and focus on spending quality time together. While it’s important to live a balanced life, a work-life balance doesn’t mean everything needs to be fair and equal. There may be times when you have to focus more on your career and times when your family needs you more than usual. Be willing to ask for help. And be willing to accept help when it’s offered. If you have the funds, hire a cleaning service or a food delivery service once in a while. Say no to social obligations occasionally. Allow your child to watch TV when you need a break.
