The first step is recognizing that there’s nothing wrong with being sensitive. In fact, a sensitive child can be one of the kindest, most compassionate kids you’ll ever meet. But raising a sensitive child can pose some parenting challenges, especially when it comes to discipline.
Understanding Sensitive Kids
Emotionally sensitive kids become overwhelmed easily. They cry often, worry about getting into trouble frequently, and require a great deal of reassurance. They also feel every emotion intensely. That means they’re likely to become overexcited, extra angry, and super scared. Some sensitive children aren’t just emotionally sensitive, but they’re also sensitive to anything physical that triggers their senses. Loud noises, bright lights, or certain textures can send them into a tailspin. They might fear large crowds and struggle to deal with any type of change. Consequently, sensitive kids are hesitant to try new things and they struggle to deal with frustration. And their peer interactions may suffer when other kids start referring to them as “the kid who cries a lot” or “the kid who gets mad easily.” While strict discipline may help some kids adjust their behavior, harsh punishments are likely to cause more problems with sensitive kids. As a result, it’s important to find ways to nurture and guide sensitive kids who may struggle to thrive in a less than sensitive world. The following discipline strategies will help you provide the discipline your sensitive child needs. Rather than discouraging children from experiencing big feelings, focus on teaching them to deal with their emotions in a socially appropriate manner. When you’re feeling frustrated, and wish that your child were less sensitive, keep in mind that it’s this same sensitivity which often leads them to be extremely compassionate and kind to others. You also can create a “peace corner” at home with quiet activities such as coloring books, headphones with soothing music, or books to read. Encourage sensitive kids to use the peace corner when they’re feeling overwhelmed. While it’s important to be flexible, discipline helps teach kids how to become responsible adults. If your discipline is too relaxed, they won’t be prepared to deal with the real world. When you skip discipline, you also deny your sensitive child the opportunity to learn and grow by experiencing the consequences of their actions, which is essential to healthy development. So be sure you still discipline your child for breaking the rules. Just try to be gentler in your approach. Likewise, praising your child for doing things another child would be expected to do can give them the opposite impression of what you intend—as if you’re surprised they can do something others their age do routinely. The point is to praise a child’s efforts rather than the results of those efforts. An example of praising efforts rather than results would be to say, “I like the way you kept trying hard when you were struggling with your math.” Make it clear that hard work and effort is worthy of praise, even if it doesn’t turn out perfect in the end. Sensitive children tend to lie to get out of trouble. So it’s important to praise a child for being honest, especially if being honest doesn’t paint them favorably. Also remember, sensitive children are often very compassionate and kind. Praise sensitive kids when they recognize the feelings of others. This reinforces the idea that being kind to others is important and encourages them to continue thinking of others. Creating a formal reward system also helps kids celebrate milestones and change their behavior. Just remember sensitive kids may feel really bad if they don’t earn a reward sometimes. Offer helpful reminders like, “You can try again tomorrow.” If you’re living with a sensitive child, take time to think of different ways you can word what you are saying so that you aren’t making things worse. Sensitive children often show parents how they feel with their behaviors. Teach kids how to identify their feelings with words. Having a name to associate with how they’re feeling will help them communicate better with you, while allowing you to better understand what they’re feeling. Having problem-solving skills can make a big difference in a sensitive child’s daily life. Teach your kids step-by-step instructions for tackling problems and they’ll gain confidence in their ability to handle uncomfortable situations. Consequences should focus on discipline, rather than punishment. Also, be sure that you are gentle in handing down the consequences. You don’t have to use a loud voice with your sensitive child for them to get the message. Yet, we know that discipline is important, and in fact critical, in helping our children someday face the outside world as an adult. The strategies above help children gain the benefits of thoughtful discipline while sparing them some of the emotional anguish inherent with a highly sensitive child.
