Do everything you and your partner can do to set aside at least half an hour a day (each) to spend alone with your older child, giving him your full attention. Your special time can be after day care, at the breakfast table, at bathtime, before bedtime—or as often as you can when your baby’s napping. Use these special times to shower your big boy or girl with love and affection.
Share Care
Especially during the first weeks of your baby’s life, try to get some help from others. A helping hand will not just lighten your own load, but also will make your older child’s life more enjoyable. A supportive partner can make an enormous difference during this transition from one child to two. Ask and expect your partner to help more with the kids. The “natural” division of labor is for the mother (especially one who breastfeeds) to care more for the newborn and the father to take care of the older child. But you need not fall into such rigid patterns. In fact, if Mommy handled the bulk of child care before the new baby arrived, your older child may resist spending so much time just with Daddy. Even if she welcomes Daddy’s attention as a rare and special treat, however, your older child will miss a Mommy who suddenly shifts all of her energies to baby care. So try to divide the labor more evenly. With the sole exception of breastfeeding, a father can handle every aspect of baby care that a mother can. So try to balance the time each of you spends with each of your children. When Mommy is feeding the baby, Daddy should of course entertain the older child. But when the baby isn’t eating, Daddy is just as capable of taking care of the baby, giving the older child a chance to spend some time with Mommy.
